Below are three examples of the feedback you get back on your papers.  The first is for an F paper where the student needed to drop.  They IGNORED the requirements in the checklist and basically set themselves up to having to drop.

The second example is from a  C paper.  Little and big problems added up and took their toll on the final grade for the first paper.  

The third is from a solid B paper.

A good paper gets little feedback and high grades -- avoid the types of problems in the sample feedback below.



Hello student AAAA:
Well, how to begin.
Writing is decent. Book sources are excellent. However you have ZERO peer reviewed journals, something I've reminded in announcements, etc in at least 8 different ways in the last 10 weeks.
You have an article from PC World : magazine, not journal.


It's as if you chose to completely ignore the checklist requirements, which I guess is explained by you not even enclosing the checklist AS REQUIRED. Perhaps you did the paper in a few hours. I don't think so, because the writing is okay, just the execution of the paper, as if you had no guidelines.


You just threw away 30 points INSTANTLY by not having any peer reviewed journals. 
You didn't underline the approved thesis, again, right on the checklist *AND* rubric category 1: Another 5 points tossed away.


And you completely ignored the approved thesis, which was: : "The internet has changed how people socialize for the better."
THAT was your topic. What you were supposed to argue AND HAVE CLEARLY IN YOUR INTRO PARAGRAPH as stated in the rubric, checklist, at least 4 lessons, at least 3 announcements and here's the ultimate:


In feedback to HW4 I reminded you: 
"Don't change your thesis: As approved it is: "The internet has changed how people socialize for the better."
Use that exact wording; you will be proving improved socializing (communicating and/or relationships) between people because of the internet
Straying from this cancels several arguments in HW 3, where it seems you are writing about benefits of the internet, which is NOT your thesis --way too general and would never be approved for a college paper."


For some reason you ignored this: did some paper, not a 102 paper, not the approved topic and the paper requirements.
You completely ignored the most basic of directions and congratulations, despite even the warning I replied in HW3, you succeeded in sabotaging your 102 paper COMPLETELY.


It is in at least 4 different ways this paper earns a 0/F. This means there's no way you can pass this course.


What you sent was a good EARLY EARLY draft, but no where close to a 102 paper as required.


Your writing is not bad; it was your inability to follow even the simplest requirement spelled out for the 102 paper in paper description, checklist and rubric. You can't do this again when you take 102 next time. You can get through this course -- again, your writing is decent, but you ignore requirements and basically worked really hard at delivering something not even close to the required 102 paper on a topic that is related, but not at all, the approved thesis. 
Because of the effort I will give you a W for the class, instead of an F or Y: a drop you so you don't destroy your GPA as would happen with an F, which is what you earned. FOLLOW DIRECTIONS and do actual 102 work and you will pass.  It's important and within reach, but not with this poor effort.


M Fernandez





II. SAMPLE FEEDBACK FROM A C PAPER that could have easily been a B

Your paper was not that bad -- what sank your score was lack of proofing by someone else, for example tutoring, etc, that would have easily saved as much as 10 pts that you threw away. Citation format for titles was a minor problem where points added up, and problems with the counter, but paper could easily be a mid B or better with stronger proofing. Make sure to get proofing done (considering paper was due Monday, had the opportunity to at least submit once or twice to online tutoring) for the final paper to guarantee you a better grade appropriate to your writing and research, which wasn't that bad, instead of lots of points lost to proofing-findable flaws.


citation format: if no author and using title, put it "in quotes" for example you have: (Sugary Drinks).
sample fix : ("Sugary Drinks").
same for (Exercise Works). 
same for: (Not Your Fathers P.E). 
same for: (Tyson).

Wrong word: for example you have: All this takes is sample fix: All it takes is

Grammar/sentence fragment: for example you have: . If schools were to work on providing 
sample fix: Schools should work on providing

also: real fruit juices. Foods that are still easy 
fix: real fruit juices. These are foods that are still easy

citation format: need closing parenthesis:
you have: and school health services (Paxton 110). 
sample fix: and school health services" (Paxton 110).

WORKS CITED: needs to be in alpha order. You have Paxton, Christina (p) after "Tyson"

WRONG WORD: you have: the affects the vending 
fix: the effects the vending

wrong word: you have: are causing to the epidemic
fix: are adding to the epidemic

quote belongs to another argument: quote beginning with Teaching kids in a health class about ... about soda drinks belongs under argument 1 (soda in school) instead of argument 2, where you put it. Costs points from category 2 and 13.

wrong word: you have: has sense tried adding 
fix: has since tried adding

incorrect sentence: you have: The prices of frozen, snack and high calorie foods are less likely to spoil as fast as the healthier options,
fix: Frozen, snack and high calorie foods that are less likely to spoil as fast as the healthier options are cheaper....etc

spelling: therefor parents (therefore)

WORKS CITED: title the page 'Works Cited"

Works Cited: you reversed the indenting: need to left margin the first line and indent 2nd, 3rd etc lines (see works cited lesson or sample paper)

COUNTER: Counter not handled correctly: as lessons state, you present the counter, but then attack it -- show that fast food is not as big a deal as the other factors (what your paper is about)

Score by category



Hello student AAAA:
You write solidly with good arguments supported with good quotes, but lose way too many points to things that should be caught in proofreading or online tutoring. Luckily, early submission helps with points, but unfortunately, your submitting early left enough 'holes' that would be caught in proofing and/or even online tutoring sometimes, that it drops you a letter grade. Paper could easily -- EASILY -- be an A, but all the flaws below accumulate and do the damage. For the final paper, allow time, use tutoring/online tutoring etc, but don't let these proofing problems rob you of an A, which is where the 'content' of the paper would be hitting.

'A' final grade still very very possible, just don't rush through proofing next time. ' A' grade can be within reach!


Missing word? 
You have: are a growing in numbers over the past 
sample fix: are growing in numbers over the past *OR* are a growing diagnosis in numbers over the past

citation format: If author, use LNAME only for example you have (John M Jaquith). Fix: (Jaquith). Same for (Lawrence Diller) --> fix: (Diller)

use a comma to connect quote and your phrases in same sentence:
for example you have: without symptoms” Gilbert Welch writes
sample fix: without symptoms,” Gilbert Welch writes
again: Due to the rapid increases of diagnosing the diagnostic criteria
FIX: Due to the rapid increases of diagnosing, the diagnostic criteria

COMMA NEEDED: for example you have: Peter R. Briggin a psychiatrist and longtime 
sample fix: Peter R. Briggin, a psychiatrist and longtime

QUOTES don't fully support argument:
for example: argument: Due to the rapid increases of diagnosing the diagnostic criteria --> the two quotes are related, but don't really deally with the problem of diagnostic criteria changing so rapidly. This costs slightly from rubric criteria: 2, 8, 13

Capitalization: Diet, Therapies, and support 
fix: Diet, therapies, and support

WORKS CITED: No page numbering on Works Cited

ARGUMENT and supporting quotes need to match: 
for example for your argument you have: Children coming from poor or single mother households contribute to emotional and behavioral issues and are diagnosed 
That's fine, but your quotes don't mention specifically single mother or poor -- your quotes deal with general environmental factors. Quick fix: just leave argument at 'Children with environmental factors...." that way your quotes support this argument.

WORKS CITED: List authors Lname, Fname. for example you have: John M. Jaquith. FIX: Jaquith, John
you do this again with Lawrence Diller Fix (Diller, Lawrence)

WORKS CITED/CITATION: IF author is an organization, okay to use full org name --> organizations don't have an Lname, Fname
for example you have: Health, National Institute of Mental. 
sample fix: National Institute of Mental Health.

Score by category