Below are three examples of
the feedback you get back on your papers. The first is for an F paper
where the student needed to drop. They IGNORED the requirements in the
checklist and basically set themselves up to having to drop.
The second example is from a C paper.
Little and big problems added up and took their toll on the final grade
for the first paper.
The
third is from a solid B paper.
A
good paper gets little feedback and high grades -- avoid the types of problems
in the sample feedback below.
I. SAMPLE FEEDBACK FOR AN F PAPER disaster
Hello student AAAA:
Well, how to begin.
Writing is decent. Book sources are excellent. However you have ZERO peer
reviewed journals, something I've reminded in announcements, etc in at least 8 different ways in the last 10 weeks.
You have an article from PC World : magazine, not
journal.
It's as if you chose to
completely ignore the checklist requirements, which I guess is explained by you
not even enclosing the checklist AS REQUIRED. Perhaps you did the paper in a
few hours. I don't think so, because the writing is okay, just the execution of
the paper, as if you had no guidelines.
You just threw away 30
points INSTANTLY by not having any peer reviewed journals.
You didn't underline the approved thesis, again, right on the checklist *AND*
rubric category 1: Another 5 points tossed away.
And you completely ignored
the approved thesis, which was: : "The internet
has changed how people socialize for the better."
THAT was your topic. What you were supposed to argue AND HAVE CLEARLY IN YOUR
INTRO PARAGRAPH as stated in the rubric, checklist, at least 4 lessons, at
least 3 announcements and here's the ultimate:
In feedback to HW4 I
reminded you:
HERE IT IS WORD FOR WORD:
"Don't change your thesis: As approved it is: "The internet has
changed how people socialize for the better."
Use that exact wording; you will be proving improved socializing (communicating
and/or relationships) between people because of the internet
Straying from this cancels several arguments in HW 3, where it seems you are
writing about benefits of the internet, which is NOT your thesis --way too
general and would never be approved for a college paper."
For some reason you ignored
this: did some paper, not a 102 paper, not the approved topic and the paper
requirements.
You completely ignored the most basic of directions and congratulations,
despite even the warning I replied in HW3, you succeeded in sabotaging your 102
paper COMPLETELY.
It is in at least 4
different ways this paper earns a 0/F. This means there's no way you can pass
this course.
What you sent was a good
EARLY EARLY draft, but no where
close to a 102 paper as required.
Your writing is not bad; it was your inability to follow even the simplest
requirement spelled out for the 102 paper in paper description, checklist and
rubric. You can't do this again when you take 102 next time.
You can get through this course -- again, your writing is decent, but you
ignore requirements and basically worked really hard at delivering something
not even close to the required 102 paper on a topic that is related, but not at
all, the approved thesis.
Because of the effort I will give you a W for the class, instead of an F or Y:
a drop you so you don't destroy your GPA as would happen with an F, which is
what you earned. FOLLOW DIRECTIONS and do actual 102 work and you will
pass. It's important and within reach, but not with this poor effort.
M Fernandez
INSTANT F/0
II. SAMPLE FEEDBACK FROM A C PAPER that could have easily been a B
Your paper was not that bad
-- what sank your score was lack of proofing by someone else, for example
tutoring, etc, that would have easily saved as much
as 10 pts that you threw away. Citation format for
titles was a minor problem where points added up, and problems with the
counter, but paper could easily be a mid B or better with stronger proofing.
Make sure to get proofing done (considering paper was due Monday, had the
opportunity to at least submit once or twice to online tutoring) for the final
paper to guarantee you a better grade appropriate to your writing and research,
which wasn't that bad, instead of lots of points lost to proofing-findable
flaws.
79/C
citation
format: if no author and using title, put it "in quotes" for example
you have: (Sugary Drinks).
sample fix : ("Sugary Drinks").
same for (Exercise Works).
same for: (Not Your Fathers
P.E).
same for: (Tyson).
Wrong word: for example you
have: All this takes is sample fix: All it takes is
Grammar/sentence fragment:
for example you have: . If schools were to work on
providing
sample fix: Schools should work on providing
also:
real fruit juices. Foods that are still easy
fix: real fruit juices. These are foods that are still easy
citation
format: need closing parenthesis:
you have: and school health services (Paxton 110).
sample fix: and school health services" (Paxton
110).
WORKS CITED: needs to be in
alpha order. You have Paxton, Christina (p) after "Tyson"
WRONG WORD: you have: the
affects the vending
fix: the effects the vending
wrong
word: you have: are causing to the epidemic
fix: are adding to the epidemic
quote belongs to another argument: quote beginning
with Teaching kids in a health class about ... about soda drinks belongs under
argument 1 (soda in school) instead of argument 2, where you put it. Costs points from category 2 and 13.
wrong word: you have: has sense tried adding
fix: has since tried adding
incorrect
sentence: you have: The prices of frozen, snack and high calorie foods are less
likely to spoil as fast as the healthier options,
fix: Frozen, snack and high calorie foods that are less likely to spoil as fast
as the healthier options are cheaper....etc
spelling:
therefor parents (therefore)
WORKS CITED: title the page
'Works Cited"
Works Cited: you reversed
the indenting: need to left margin the first line and indent 2nd, 3rd etc lines (see works cited lesson or sample paper)
COUNTER: Counter not
handled correctly: as lessons state, you present the counter, but then attack
it -- show that fast food is not as big a deal as the other factors (what your
paper is about)
Score by category
1:5
2:8
3:13
4:10
5:5
6:3
7:3
8:9
9:1
10:2
11:Y
12:7
13:8
14:4
III. SAMPLE FEEDBACK FOR B
PAPER:
Hello student AAAA:
You write solidly with good arguments supported with good quotes, but lose way
too many points to things that should be caught in proofreading or online
tutoring. Luckily, early submission helps with points, but unfortunately, your
submitting early left enough 'holes' that would be caught in proofing and/or
even online tutoring sometimes, that it drops you a letter grade. Paper could
easily -- EASILY -- be an A, but all the flaws below
accumulate and do the damage. For the final paper, allow time, use
tutoring/online tutoring etc, but don't let these
proofing problems rob you of an A, which is where the 'content' of the paper
would be hitting.
'A' final grade still very very possible, just don't rush through proofing next time. ' A' grade can be within reach!
85/B
Missing word?
You have: are a growing in numbers over the past
sample fix: are growing in numbers over the past *OR*
are a growing diagnosis in numbers over the past
citation
format: If author, use LNAME only for example you have (John M Jaquith). Fix: (Jaquith). Same
for (Lawrence Diller) --> fix: (Diller)
use a comma to connect quote and your phrases in same sentence:
for example you have: without symptoms” Gilbert Welch writes
sample fix: without symptoms,” Gilbert Welch writes
again: Due to the rapid increases of diagnosing the diagnostic criteria
FIX: Due to the rapid increases of diagnosing, the diagnostic criteria
COMMA NEEDED: for example
you have: Peter R. Briggin a psychiatrist and
longtime
sample fix: Peter R. Briggin, a psychiatrist and
longtime
QUOTES don't fully support argument:
for example: argument: Due to the rapid increases of diagnosing the diagnostic
criteria --> the two quotes are related, but don't really deally with the problem of diagnostic criteria changing so
rapidly. This costs slightly from rubric criteria: 2,
8, 13
Capitalization: Diet, Therapies, and support
fix: Diet, therapies, and support
WORKS CITED: No page
numbering on Works Cited
ARGUMENT and supporting
quotes need to match:
for example for your argument you have: Children coming from poor or single
mother households contribute to emotional and behavioral issues and are
diagnosed
That's fine, but your quotes don't mention specifically single mother or poor
-- your quotes deal with general environmental factors. Quick fix: just leave
argument at 'Children with environmental factors...." that way your quotes
support this argument.
WORKS CITED: List authors Lname, Fname. for
example you have: John M. Jaquith. FIX: Jaquith, John
you do this again with Lawrence Diller Fix (Diller, Lawrence)
WORKS CITED/CITATION: IF
author is an organization, okay to use full org name --> organizations don't
have an Lname, Fname
for example you have: Health, National Institute of Mental.
sample fix: National Institute of Mental Health.
Score by category
1:5
2:8
3:14
4:12
5:5
6:3
7:3
8:9
9:3
10:1
11:Y
12:10
13:8
14:4